Conversations
by mouseagent
Summary: Doofenshmirtz is questioning his life and role as a father. Perry is questioning his nemesis's increasingly strange behavior towards him. And the fact that he's reacting to it.  Doofenshmirtz/Perry-Without any weird species changes.
1. Happy Birthday

The elevator arrived with a sharp dinging sound, its steely door sliding back to reveal it's cavernous interior. Heinz Dooofenshmirtz stepped in hesitantly, his bony hands gripping the elaborately wrapped package he had spent the majority of the day slaving over to make picture-perfect. Once inside, he stood motionlessly for a long moment, his eyes closed and his brow furrowed upwards. He noticed his hands were shaking.

Stop being so damn nervous, he yelled to himself in his thoughts. He pressed the clear button by the door indicating the eighth floor and the elevator rose with a soft jolt. Then the doors opened with yet another ding. Doofenshmirtz exited and walked slowly down the corridor, which reeked of soap and dust, until he met with a door.

4242, he glanced at a scrap of paper from the pocket of his freshly dry-cleaned lab coat. This is it. He took a long breath before knocking on the door and waiting.

It opened with a bang, and there stood a beautiful black-haired girl, smiling happily, her face turned away talking to someone inside. Vanessa Dooenshmirtz turned to her father standing outside her apartment door. The color drained from her face.

"Vanessa! My darling! You're so big! How does it feel to be 17 now? Huh?" The tall, lank man strode into the room, grinning widely, all traces of his earlier nervousness smothered by an insane happiness. He handed her the package gently.

"Happy birthday, sweetie," his heavily accented voice was soft. He looked around the room as he finally noticed a group of girls peering out at him from the kitchen. "These are your friends, yes?" He ran his long, bony fingers across her head, caressing her hair. "I have never met any of your friends. Care to introduce me?" Vanessa's face contorted in fear.

"D-dad, I think I'd better go get Mom." She whispered, grabbing him by the sleeve and dragging him down a hallway to a lavishly furnished bedroom where she released him. He rubbed his arm softly and gave her a questioning look. She glared at him.

He averted his eyes, "Is there something wrong, sweetie?" He spoke quietly, holding his arms protectively.

"Mom! I think you'd better get out here!" The teenager called.

A voice answered from the bathroom. "What is it, hun? We out of soda already?" A woman walked into the room, her hands at her head, tying her hair back into a bun. She stopped abruptly at the sight of the man by the door waving weakly at her. Her face contorted in surprise, and then anger.

"Hi, Charlene." Heinz said nervously. She glared at him.

"What the hell are you doing here, Heinz?" She growled. He flinched.

"I-it's her birthday…I wanted to give her something…see her."

"You can see her this weekend, Heinz. Not now. Not with her friends here." She sighed. "I want you out of here. Now."

He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again after a moment and slowly backed out through the door. He glanced at his daughter.

"Happy Birthday, Vanessa…" he whispered. He ran out of the apartment.

Perry the Platypus sat in his chair before the huge image of Monogram displayed on the screen that took up most of the space in the room.

"So, Agent P., you guessed it," Monogram frowned deeply, "We our source has reported some strange behavior from Doofenshmirtz." He rustled through some papers on an unseen desk. "Evidently, he returned to the D.E.I. building about half an hour ago, locked all the doors in his living area, drew all the blinds, made a huge amount of ruckus for about…15 minutes before…" he cocked his eyebrow, "All sound died. He's up to something, alright. Very suspicious, and we can't be too careful." He looked at Perry in all seriousness. "Figure out what he's doing and stop it, Agent P. Good luck."

The platypus saluted the screen and was off before the transmission even ended.


	2. It's A Mad World

Perry smashed through the ceiling easily a small charge and dropped down into Doofenshirtz's lair. He blinked. It was pitch black. He staggered to a wall, following it to find a light-switch. Being considerably familiar with the layout, he found the one by the front door without much difficulty and flipped it on. His eyes widened. The room was in shambles, furniture had been flung at the walls, with wood splinters and broken glass lay littering the floor along with what looked like small droplets of blood. He panicked and began to carefully search for his nemesis, keeping on guard for traps. There didn't seem to be any, strangely enough. He cautiously crept into the bedroom.

He found him. He didn't know how he expected to find him, but it wasn't like this.

Doofenshmirtz was huddled in the dark in the far corner of the bathroom by the toilet, which was speckled with vomit. The mirror was shattered and its spades of glass lay scattered on the counter, in the sink, and on the floor. Perry approached him quietly and slowly, his mind whirring with worry and wonder. His eyes slowly adjusted to the dark; he worried what would happen if he turned the lights on.

The scientist sat with his knees gripped to his chest and his head rested in his hands. His whole body was shaking and his breath was ragged and uneven. Perry reached out to him, and with his small, furry paw, he gently touched his nemesis's hand. It was wet, and he couldn't see well enough to see with what, but he had a good idea. Doofenshmirtz jolted violently letting out a high-pitched yelp of surprise. Perry jumped back.

"W-w-who is that?" The man glanced around in terror, but was blind in the darkness. "Who is there?" Perry switched on the light with a click. The scientist's tear streaked, sleep-deprived eyes widened. He let out a cry of anguish as he clutched his head. His hands were bloody with small cuts.

"Perry the Platypus!" He growled, glaring at the small mammal. "I-I-I-I am… I AM NOT UP TO ANYTHING! I SWEAR! CAN'T YOU JUST…!" His screaming trailed off into a collection of choking gasps. He looked away weakly. "Leave me alone. Please…please…please…please…please…please…" His head collapsed into his large hands.

Perry stared at him, and the fur in the back of his neck stood up as he began to comprehend the situation. He moved in close to the scientist, feeling a pang of guilt for trying to comfort his arch-nemesis. He ignored it. He reached up and stroked the back of Heinz's head, caressing his wiry, unruly hair, like a dog. He didn't know if this technique worked that well on humans, but it always calmed him down, so in his mind, it was worth a try. Nonetheless, he was surprised when the man's breathing started to slow and regain its normalcy. Doofenshmirtz lifted his head up and looked at the platypus with swollen red eyes. He sighed.

"I-I'm sorry, Perry the Platypus…" He whispered, " You don't have to st-st…stay here. There isn't any evil plot." His eyes went out of focus as his mind drifted away. His brow wrinkled as he let out a small choking gasp. He curled his knees in closer into him.

"Today's Vanessa's birthday, Perry the Platypus." He smiled weakly at the aquatic mammal. "One of the only worthwhile moments of my life. I would give the world for h-her…!" His voice began to tremble as he shoved his head into his arms. "And she can't stand me! She hates me! She's ashamed of me for-for…being such a FREAK!" He broke down into sobs.

Perry's eyes widened as he listened and he noticed his hands too were shaking slightly. He plopped down next to his nemesis and sighed, rubbing his temples with his small, webbed fingers. They sat like that for a long while, side by side, in silence.

Suddenly, Doofenshmirtz raised his head and struggled up to his feet. His breathing was calm, though his face was patched with red. He looked down upon Perry, who watched him cautiously. He smiled.

"Come on," he held his hand out to the small mammal, wincing from the small cuts on it as pulled him to his webbed feet. "I'll make us some coffee."


End file.
